How Chemical Dependency Affects Children

Hello, let me share with you about growing up in a family with a parent or other family member suffering from a substance dependence disorder. My name is not important. A lot of children growing up in a family with parental drinking or other drug use have felt my experiences and pain. I remember at an early age the impact of my parent's drinking had on me. During my pre-school years I experienced a lot of confusion and mixed messages related to my parent's drinking. There were times my parent seem to be the greatest parent any child could experience. But there was times that my parent was a child's worst nightmare. My parent loved me but their drinking behavior and personality was that of a totally different person, definitely not that of a loving parent. At a very early age I soon realized that home was a terrible environment anytime my parent was drinking. Our family experienced happiness, laughter and fun when my parent wasn't drinking. I know that all of the family members experienced feelings of confusion, sadness, fear and uncertainty about their family environment. I remember at the start of school I felt different from all of the other kids. I feared that I would be asked about my family and wouldn't know what to share. After all do I tell the teacher and class about all the yelling and name calling that goes on at our house. Do I tell them how my parent comes home late at night drunk and staggering into the house hollering and angry. The many sleepless night due to fear and fright of what might happen when my parent comes home drunk. I never did have any friends come over to spend the night because of my parent's drinking. I never was allowed to talk about my family to anyone. This was very much what it was like during my grade school years. Junior High school was even more difficult since I was having a lot of emotional problems. I felt angry, sad, experienced poor concentration and had very little attention span towards my school studies. I was lacking self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence that I could participate in school activities. I was experiencing depression and did not realize that it was getting worse. I would deal with my feelings by acting out and was truant from school. I was looking for other teens that were experiencing what I was experiencing at home, they would understand what I had been experiencing due to my parent's drinking. I used drugs to escape from my childhood trauma and depression. Problems with the law, poor school attendance, and fighting with my parents were becomming all to common. My problems led me to attempt suicide. In and out of the hospital for depression, suicidal ideations and drug abuse. This pattern continued through high school. Feelings of hopelessness, helplessness soon became the reality of my environment. Poor self-esteem, self-worth and sefl-respect were a part of my norm. Constant dysfunction among family members increased. Family members were taking on their own survival roles and all of us at times seemed so alienated. No directions or destiny toward hope or help from the bondage of my parent's addiction. Depression, drug use along with acting out was my lifestyle. The loss of a healthy home environment, coping skills, social skills, but most of all the lost of a parent I never knew because of their addction. My mom never could spend a lot of time nurturing us becasue she was preoccupied trying to keep the family together. I became an adult child of an alcoholic. I went to treatment for my chemical dependency and issues related to my childhood. Living in a family with a chemical dependent parent resulted in medical problems, depression, and childhood trauma resulting in the loss of a healthy childhood.